When Gray Rock Backfires

I haven’t been online much since Mister is home. We’ll get to that in a minute.

The wedding was Beautiful! My daughter cried the moment the veil went on and it all became real to her. I just held her and cried with her. I don’t think I have ever felt such a mix of emotions in my life. Pride for the woman she has become. Sadness because it feels like I just brought her home from the hospital yesterday. Both terrified and protective because I was sure Mister would find some way to ruin the day.

The bridal party arrived at the venue two hours before the groomsmen did. Mister was with them. Amazingly, he behaved himself! He did get in a few small digs…like refusing to toast the happy couple and refusing the father/daughter dance. Our daughter just laughed it off and told the crowd that her Dad is shy. I toasted them and danced with her instead. I don’t care if he liked it or not. I wasn’t going to let there be awkward moments on her big day.

Since then, I have returned to gray rock and just gone about my daily life with a few alterations. I can’t work as much when he is home or he will find out that I’m hoarding money to escape.

Our youngest daughter has caught him trying to break into both my phone and my laptop. He couldn’t get past the password on my laptop. I didn’t have a password on my phone because I don’t do anything on it but text my children and play pokemongo. Yes, I am one of those people. I put a pedometer app on my phone and I walk a great deal while playing the game, which has resulted in five pounds gone, so the game has been good for me. I now have a password on my phone. Our daughter pointed out that I am not allowed to touch his phone, so why should he look through mine? She’s right.

He has done plenty of little things to annoy me but I gray rock. He slams doors, cupboards, the fridge door. He wanders through the house letting out those heavy sighs. Buys fast food after I cook dinner. He’s done that a few times now. I refuse to react. Today he stepped up his game.

He told me he was going to work. Two hours later, he texted me and asked me to come to the Ford dealership. It seems to be the Phallus’s second home. Several times a month, he takes the Phallus in to have new things installed or fixed or changed. It’s his obsession.

I was mad that he lied about going to work but I went to pick him up anyway. I figured the phallus was being worked on and he didn’t want to sit there and wait. When I got there, he was Mister Wonderful. Big smile, couldn’t wait for me to get out of my Jeep. Then he tells me to pick out a car. Do what now?

He said that he wanted to buy me a car because I drive a 20-year-old Jeep that is falling apart and he wants me in something safe. I immediately felt uneasy. You know that tense feeling that sends you into fight or flight mode? That’s the one. But I played along to see what he was up to.

I looked around, picked a car I liked, test drove it and told him that was the car I wanted. I knew something was up and I did not expect to drive away in a new car. While we sat at the salesman’s desk, he explained that the car has an app that syncs my phone to the car. It downloads my contacts and playlists so I can tell the car what to play or who to call. But it also had another feature….it will monitor where my car is at all times. Then he showed me on my phone. It told me how many feet away the car was parked and at what business, with the address. NOPE!!!!

I asked if that feature could be disabled. The salesman looked confused and Mister laughed like I had just told the funniest joke ever. The salesman said that I didn’t have to use it if I didn’t want to but it’s a feature on most new cars now.

I get the reasons to have such a feature but in the wrong hands it becomes a tool for stalking. I didn’t want it. I know beyond a hair of a doubt that Mister would use it. Especially after I leave him.

Then the salesman wanted to fill out the title information. Mister handed over his driver’s license. I stopped him and asked him why his name would go on my car. He said, “Because I’m the one paying for it.”

I know when I’m beat. That’s when the other shoe dropped. I apologized to the salesman for wasting his time, picked up my purse and walked out.

Mister is furious with me. I embarrassed him in public. I wasn’t loud. I didn’t yell. I simply refused his ‘gift’. Once we were outside I explained to him that if his name is on my car then it isn’t a gift. It’s his car and he can -and will, take it away from me whenever he wants to. I’ll just keep driving my old Jeep.

He said that he can’t do anything nice for me because I’m such a f-ing bit**. He called me an f-ing c**t because he knows I hate that word and he left the dealership. That was before noon today. He finally came home around 9:30 tonight.

Now I’m getting the silent treatment. I don’t mind that. Not even a little bit. What I do mind is knowing that he is scheming to get back at me.

That car was a method of control because I am taking control of my life back. I think the car was to get me to stop gray rocking him and give him back the adoration and praise that I use to drown him in. Back then I still loved and admired him. Now that I know what he is and what he has done over the years, I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.

Let that be a lesson to me…gray rock and taking my power back is going to cause some waves. I’m just going to have to ride them out.


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