I’m not sure how coherent this is going to be. I haven’t slept in 24 hours. Mister has texted me more over the past few days than he has in his entire life. Full sentences too.
He’s still fuming over my having paid the electric bill and the fact that he just kept hammering away about it aggravated me to the point that I unloaded on him. I said all of the things that I have held back for months now. Well… not all of the things, but enough that he is wondering when I got so bold. He is now in a rage because I delivered a few swift kicks to his ego. How dare I speak the truth to him?
I am too tired to care about how mad he is. I say that now, but he will be home sometime today or tomorrow and I wonder how long my resolve will hold. I don’t want to cave and placate him ever again but I also don’t want him following me from room to room, screaming every foul thing he can think of until he finally feels that he has once again, put me in my place.
Maybe he’ll give me the silent treatment. I can only hope. More than likely, he’ll have quite a lot to scream about. Not because I paid the electric bill but because I didn’t ask his permission first. Which is stupid. It had to be paid either way. He just wanted to be the one to say, “Pay it.” Now I have a choice in front of me; do I take it or do I give it right back to him?
Quite frankly, I’m sick of his shit. Two days ago, after watching many Angie Atkinson videos on youtube and Trent Shelton videos, I decided not to allow Mister (or anyone else) to steal my joy. The truth is, there isn’t a lot of joy in my little world right now but I’m beginning to feel protective of the little bit that I do have. Part of that joy is being able to work on my own goals. I’m ready to work on moving on with my life now. I have always worked on his dreams.
He would tell me what his goals were and I made them happen. Of course, he took credit but as his wife, I didn’t mind because I gave him my all. I loved him and wanted to see him succeed. I just didn’t notice that I was the one bringing about his success while he never even bothered to say, thank you.
Him noticing that there has been a shift in my attitude is going to be a problem for him. I can’t unsee what he is now. The rose colored glasses have been torn off. There is nothing left to do but find my way out. This is going to be interesting in a ‘cover my ass’ sort of way.
To add insult to injury, his mother, who is also a narcissist, is also fifty shades of pissed at me. A month ago, another family member sent me an updated copy of her will. His two sisters had talked her into cutting Mister, her only son, out of the will. These are a couple of horrifyingly greedy women who seem to have the same narcissistic tendencies as their mother and brother.
Anyway, I confronted his mother. I didn’t do it for me or even for him. I did it, because I have one son and I can not imagine the pain he would go through if I cut him out of my will with no explanation and he didn’t find out until after my death.
I imagined that my own son, if I did something like this to him, would spend the rest of his life wondering why I didn’t love him. He would think that he had done something wrong and he would never know what it was. There is no way in hell I could put one of my children through that kind of pain, grief and uncertainty. What kind of scars would that leave?
So…that’s exactly what I told her. I also told her that I will not be with her son when she dies. He will face it alone and he will be alone when he finds out that she cut him out of her will with no explanation other than that is what his sisters wanted. I told her that he is just as abusive as she is and that is why I am leaving him.
Mister immediately got a phone call from his mother. I don’t know what was said. I just know that he wasn’t upset with me. He thought I was sticking up for him. Nothing more was said about it. Until this morning.
Just when I have decided to not allow anyone to steal my joy, wouldn’t ya know it, his mother starts sending me facebook messages. I didn’t look at them. I don’t think I should. I will not be guilted into apologizing for something that I absolutely meant when I said it.
I feel like I am being tested. Here is the test: The objective is to hold your ground. Can you do it? You’re going to have narcissists coming at you from two sides. Just how strong are you?
I don’t know. I guess I’m about to find out.