Every time you’re feeling empty…

I am in trouble again. Like a five-year old, I am being admonished. I had the nerve to pay the electric bill.  We were on the ‘cut off’ list. Due to be cut off this week. Mister doesn’t know it but I can check his account balance when ever I feel like it.

I have paid a little here and a little there on our electric bill to keep him from throwing a lil bitch fit, but it hasn’t been enough to keep us from the cut off list. The money is there in spades but Mister didn’t want me to pay the full amount.

I paid it anyway. He is gone for ten days and our youngest daughter deserves to have electricity. So I paid it. I got a text message from him that read “Why? And don’t bother to say shit.”

So….you want to know why I paid the bill but you don’t want me to tell you? Is that right? He has nearly $7,000.00 in his account but he wants that money for himself. How dare I pay the electric bill!!

Too bad dude. it’s paid now.

To let you know what I have been dealing with over the past ten days, here is the text I sent to him. Mind you, I was angry when I sent this.

“While you’re pissed off, here is something else for you to get over…

You haven’t contributed one dime to our daughter’s wedding and you think it’s fucking funny to make her think  that you’re walking her down the aisle in blue jeans. I haven’t bought a mother of the bride dress because I know what a bitch fit you’ll throw. Same reason we were so far behind on the electric because I pay a little here and a little there so you won’t pitch a tantrum. But God forbid the phallus go a week without an oil change and God knows what else while your family rides around in a Jeep that spews fluids. The money was there to pay the electric bill and buy the essentials that we have put off for months so as not to upset you. No matter what I do or don’t do, you’re upset, I can’t win with you so I’m not playing the game anymore.”

I hate this man.

Our oldest daughter is getting married this month and we have offered NOTHING toward the cost of the wedding. We have not even bought her a gift. I have nothing to wear to her wedding and asshole has told her that he is wearing blue jeans to walk her down the aisle.

I once loved him with everything I am. Then he screwed another man’s wife for five weeks while telling me that he loved me every night. I hate him. If he died today, I wouldn’t even cry. He cut off the T.V. and the phone and he bitches about paying the electric bill and buying groceries while he hoards money for himself and whatever whore he is fooling now. And people wonder why I can’t feel anything anymore.

I’m either numb or angry. Mostly, I’m numb. But the hatred for him is real. I watch him hurt our children and I think, ‘If he got into a car accident and died on the way home one day, I wouldn’t even care.’ That is incredibly sad, considering that I once loved him with all that I am.

I just want out.



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